“From Inside”
A Lockdown project about mental health and how it became a recovery resource for myself and others
As we all know, COVID-19 ‘s impact on mental wellbeing has been immense.
IFS analysis from the Understanding Society study found that mental health has worsened substantially as a result of the pandemic with women and young people being most affected - myself included. Consequently, spikes in mental health problems are predicted to become a pandemic in itself that will impact Scotland’s Communities long after the Coronavirus has disappeared.
When creating ‘From Inside’ I wanted to promote open discussions surrounding changes in our mental health over lockdown; to nurture positive changes within ourselves, and our community as a whole to help in the transition back to our “new normal”.
The initial concept
My initial concept was to create an interactive art installation highlighting concerns surrounding mental health and lockdown whilst promoting positive mental wellbeing. With help from my teacher Helen Wright, ATLAS Art’s Heather Fulton and artist Joanne B Kaar (who I was introduced to through the Highland Youth Art Hub’s Creative in your Community grant and mentorship opportunity) I created the project with the aim to provide a safe space for reflection and an opportunity to share experiences with one another - allowing us to be mindful of the present moment, connect with others and, through sharing our experiences, give to others. The initial concept was to create an installation; a small, furnished room, containing self made pieces of art such as pottery, film, photography and masks. I even created a rough scale model of what I wanted this to look like and even made the base structure for the real installation -
Artwork to be Incorporated
“Self Deprecation”
Oil on Canvasboard 60x60cm
Self Deprecation is a piece created with the mindset of not knowing what I looked like upon seeing my reflection in the mirror. Whatever I saw I couldn’t recognise as myself. The reason for this body dysmorphia would become clear soon enough but in the moment I felt like some cruel trick was being played on me. I was the butt of the joke of my own unintentional creation. I painted this self-portrait to illustrate this sensation.
“How Should We Respond To National Weight Gain?”
Hand Sculpted Clay Pot
Continuing the theme of body image, 48% of the UK population gained weight during the first lockdown but is that necessarily a bad thing? Should people try and lose the weight as we’re told to by the media or should we try and grow from the inside and start accepting ourselves as we come?
In September 2020 I took a visit to Dundee’s McManus Galleries where I happened upon an exhibit displaying Branks. Branks, also known as “Scold’s Bridles”, were in use around the time of the 1600s as a punishment device. Women accused of slander or swearing were made to wear a brank and metal mouthpiece on their heads to prevent them speaking and were then led through the streets to publicly humiliate them. These Branks were believed to have been used in Northern European countries
Up until this point I had struggled to find ways to visualise the shame felt when openly discussing deteriorations in mental health especially as a result of the pandemic where putting on your successful front of language learning and daily excercise became the norm. After reading about the branks the parallels became clear to me, but instead of the physical shame of being dragged through the streets in a mask it’s the internal shame and fear that your name will be somehow tainted if found to be in connection to mental ill health. I know personally the fear of not being able to keep up appearances and being reduced and defined by my mental state was what made me afraid to be open in my small community. Since then I have realised the best way to repair our mental health involves taking a difficult step in the opposite direction and being open with one another in order to reduce the stigma surrounding the topic
I decided to crochet the masks in fantastical colours to emphasise their symbolic nature after looking to artists Aldo Lanzini and Bertjan Pot for inspiration.
The Final Project
Unfortunately, by the end of 2020 the anorexia which I had been battling for the past few years on and off had taken an undeniable hold over me and by January 2021 I was hospitalised. As a result my life (and the project) had to be put on hold. By the time I was discharged a few months later, slowly building my strength I realised there was very little chance of my initial concept coming into fruition before my deadline of September 2021, when I was due to start University. However, I refused to give up on my concept, if anything becoming ill made me realise how important my work could be to the wider public. Combining my prior research and work with the resources I gathered during my ongoing recovery I managed to repurpose what I could to create my own resources to be distributed to those who most need or want them.
During my time in hospital I was provided with a “Wellness Recovery Action Plan” (WRAP) to aid me in my recovery. It’s purpose is that once completed by the individual it is a useful resource to aid in moments of mental health crisis to ensure a more successful long term recovery. As you can see by the document however it is far from the most engaging content, especially for young people, and carrying around large A4 documents with you as well isn’t the most practical nor discreet. That’s why I developed The Wellbeing Passport, an A6, 6 page zine extracting snippets from the original WRAP with the additions of some mindfulness activities and my own illustrations and writing. With many thanks to Alice Prentice from Isle of Riso, an Inverness based Riso Printing studio for working with me to get the final product realised.
Many of the packs I have created are intended to be distributed to local schools and mental health wards but I believe we are all in need of support and a bit of mindfulness as a result of this pandemic so I believe no one should be left without.
