Independent Fine Art Studies
The Finland Effect
Something changed me here
//
Something isn't right
//
Something changed me here // Something isn't right //
Independent Fine Art Studies
Horror - Abject Feminism - Cryptids - Mythology - Poetry - Self Awareness
- Syncopated -
I feel my metronome ticking with my heartbeat.
Steady 65bpm.
Back home,
Miles apart,
They match my pace.
Yet always miss my beat.*
*We breathe at different rhythms.
I’m tired.
Since arriving in Finland, I’ve changed a lot.
I haven’t changed who I am and haven’t been changed by me experiences but who I am has changed, I’ve been made to view my own regrets in a new light.
Back home I had to accepted my weaknesses and mos disagreeable parts, and let them control parts of my life as just the way I was meant to live.
For an Abject Feminist I did a poor job of accepting my horrors.
Where I am is not where I was
//
I rest in duality
//
Where I am is not where I was // I rest in duality //
I was berry picking in Ounasvaara, listening to the Red Parts by Maggie Nelson. She discussed the fact that despite their being objectified, tormented, assaulted by men. Why do we crave and live for their attention.
I walked home with wordless music, blaring through my headphones. I couldn’t think for the noise in my head. I couldn’t feel for the apathy inside.
Men had caused my biggest downfalls and insecurities and let them. As a woman I thought that was what was meant for me.
As I stood in nature, with no one around, the apathy to others wasn’t what scared me…
It was the lack of hate towards myself.
Some days I feel like some parts of me stop working, other days they all seem to work at once. I’ve learned to accept myself as a vessel for these consciousnesses and the journeys they take me on.
They are all me. Especially the ones I so desperately wish to reject. I learn from them each day
And each night I thank them.
Finland’s Ghosts
Oh well…
